Day 2 - Repent

Today I was told that my housemate is having a party tomorrow - this is fine apart from me. I am the problem in this equation.
Unfortunately, after giving drink up in February, I have lost the ability to converse with new people and I still don't have the confidence to be around people that are offering me drink, or drunk people, without feeling awkward, alienated and that I should be drinking too. If someone offers me an alcoholic drink outright, I have to leave the conversation, the room and often the party if it happens more than once.
Conversations follow one of three scenarios:
1. They initiate, we speak briefly: during this I am petrified, awkward, analyzing what I say and we never speak again apart from the briefest of conversations. I am not comfortable talking with my housemates for next year because of this reflex.
2. I am bought into a conversation; the above applies and when our mutual friend leaves, there is an awkward silence and the other person walks off.
3. We both talk; they make me feel at ease and we become friends or closer. This has happened about three times since I stopped drinking.

Today my task was to meditate in the evening; to see tomorrow's problems and anticipate them and try to think up responses to them that will be the most holy.

As such I am writing down three aims for the party tomorrow:
1. That I will be as helpful as I can before the party starts: offering to help go shopping, cleaning and doing whatever else I can.
2. That I will try to talk to people before the drink flows and not to make a big deal that I'm removing myself when they do start drinking; I'll do so quickly and quietly.
3. That I will not moan about the noise level either outside or inside the house until midnight at the earliest, it is a party and people should enjoy it.

Tomorrow, I'll have to see how successful I was with these aims.

Lizzie x

P.S. I have repeated the verse for this week "Repent: for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand" thirty times so far today. I hope to continue to repeat this tomorrow.