Today I caught up on my Bible study for the week so far; I love Bible study but I often find it too time-consuming to complete. I'd rather do one thirty minute session than three ten minute sessions. The first verses read:
"Lest there be any fornicator or profane person, as Esau, who for one morsel of meat sold his birthright...when he would have inherited he was rejected, for he found no place of repentance though he sought it carefully with tears." As we see here, you can try and repent but you need to be successful and work hard at it, something I find quite easy to do.
The other Bible question asked: "Abraham lied to the Pharaoh about Sarah being his wife; he did not repent for this. Did he get punished for his deception? I thought and prayed about this and realized that Abraham's descendants had no luck: his grandson's separated from each other and his great grandsons struggled with the start of Egyptian rule. Abraham's descendants were punished for some of his hymns.
Today my task is quite simple: pray Psalm 51 to the Lord. I'll do it right before I go to bed.
As for completing my goals, I was on time for my work in the Church Office but I seem to have stepped on somebody's toes regarding work. I try to do too much and make other people feel unimportant unintentionally. I have got out about ten books for my dissertation and have researched the reading age of books too; a great start. I was successful in cleaning the house too: I washed the upstairs windows, did a quick pick up of all our rubbish, sorted the bins out (our outside bin was overfull), wiped the surfaces in my bedroom, did a load of washing and cleaned our toilet and sink. All in twenty-six minutes. Me and my housemate also spent ten minutes going through our inventory to make sure nothing was missing from the kitchen - nothing is, but I'm glad we've done it now.
Tomorrow my goals are as follows:
- To work through my checklist which includes languages, typing practice, maths practice and cleaning; I haven't managed to work through it in a while successfully
- To be punctual for my conference and to take pens and paper
- To not feel like I have to share my grades if I've done badly and not boast if I'm done well
God Bless,
Lizzie x
Monday, 20 June 2011
Sunday, 19 June 2011
Day 3 - Repent
Today my command was to be cleansed by the word. I decided to do this literally: I prayed while I was in the shower, cleaned three rooms of the house and did a "paper purge" - where you remove extraneous paper i.e. old bills, junk mail and scribbled notes from the house. Physically, I was clean.
Also in my mind and body I am clean: I do not drink, smoke, do drugs, have sex and I try to not do or use anything that alters my mind or my state of consciousness. This includes the above right down to more mundane things like not taking painkillers or any other medicine unless absolutely necessary. For example, if I get a headache at seven in the evening, I'll wait and use sleep as my remedy. I know that the above things can add to life but I believe they take more away; this is just my personal opinion. Even so, I still try and stay away from places where I would be tempted to preach or give in to my desires for these things.
So am I clean in my soul? Today at Church this was challenged. I know Jesus is my redeemer and has forgiven me for my past sins, and I know this in my mind. I cannot forgive my own sins however. I am a harsher judge of myself than the Lord. I believe this is what helps me learn from my mistakes and improve myself however. One day, I may forgive myself on my past sins but until then I am just happy that Jesus can do that for me until I'm ready to.
On my goals from yesterday, I did clean the house from top to bottom this morning. I tried at Church to converse more but we'll see how that develops this evening. As for the noise tonight, we'll have to wait and see.
My goals for tomorrow are:
- To be punctual for my office work at my church
- To start work on my dissertation as soon as I possibly can (my first meeting is tomorrow)
- To spend at least 30 minutes tidying the house; today in an hour I cleaned three rooms, tomorrow I need to see if the same resolve to be cleansed can yield the same results
God Bless,
Lizzie x
Also in my mind and body I am clean: I do not drink, smoke, do drugs, have sex and I try to not do or use anything that alters my mind or my state of consciousness. This includes the above right down to more mundane things like not taking painkillers or any other medicine unless absolutely necessary. For example, if I get a headache at seven in the evening, I'll wait and use sleep as my remedy. I know that the above things can add to life but I believe they take more away; this is just my personal opinion. Even so, I still try and stay away from places where I would be tempted to preach or give in to my desires for these things.
So am I clean in my soul? Today at Church this was challenged. I know Jesus is my redeemer and has forgiven me for my past sins, and I know this in my mind. I cannot forgive my own sins however. I am a harsher judge of myself than the Lord. I believe this is what helps me learn from my mistakes and improve myself however. One day, I may forgive myself on my past sins but until then I am just happy that Jesus can do that for me until I'm ready to.
On my goals from yesterday, I did clean the house from top to bottom this morning. I tried at Church to converse more but we'll see how that develops this evening. As for the noise tonight, we'll have to wait and see.
My goals for tomorrow are:
- To be punctual for my office work at my church
- To start work on my dissertation as soon as I possibly can (my first meeting is tomorrow)
- To spend at least 30 minutes tidying the house; today in an hour I cleaned three rooms, tomorrow I need to see if the same resolve to be cleansed can yield the same results
God Bless,
Lizzie x
Saturday, 18 June 2011
Day 2 - Repent
Today I was told that my housemate is having a party tomorrow - this is fine apart from me. I am the problem in this equation.
Unfortunately, after giving drink up in February, I have lost the ability to converse with new people and I still don't have the confidence to be around people that are offering me drink, or drunk people, without feeling awkward, alienated and that I should be drinking too. If someone offers me an alcoholic drink outright, I have to leave the conversation, the room and often the party if it happens more than once.
Conversations follow one of three scenarios:
1. They initiate, we speak briefly: during this I am petrified, awkward, analyzing what I say and we never speak again apart from the briefest of conversations. I am not comfortable talking with my housemates for next year because of this reflex.
2. I am bought into a conversation; the above applies and when our mutual friend leaves, there is an awkward silence and the other person walks off.
3. We both talk; they make me feel at ease and we become friends or closer. This has happened about three times since I stopped drinking.
Today my task was to meditate in the evening; to see tomorrow's problems and anticipate them and try to think up responses to them that will be the most holy.
As such I am writing down three aims for the party tomorrow:
1. That I will be as helpful as I can before the party starts: offering to help go shopping, cleaning and doing whatever else I can.
2. That I will try to talk to people before the drink flows and not to make a big deal that I'm removing myself when they do start drinking; I'll do so quickly and quietly.
3. That I will not moan about the noise level either outside or inside the house until midnight at the earliest, it is a party and people should enjoy it.
Tomorrow, I'll have to see how successful I was with these aims.
Lizzie x
P.S. I have repeated the verse for this week "Repent: for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand" thirty times so far today. I hope to continue to repeat this tomorrow.
Unfortunately, after giving drink up in February, I have lost the ability to converse with new people and I still don't have the confidence to be around people that are offering me drink, or drunk people, without feeling awkward, alienated and that I should be drinking too. If someone offers me an alcoholic drink outright, I have to leave the conversation, the room and often the party if it happens more than once.
Conversations follow one of three scenarios:
1. They initiate, we speak briefly: during this I am petrified, awkward, analyzing what I say and we never speak again apart from the briefest of conversations. I am not comfortable talking with my housemates for next year because of this reflex.
2. I am bought into a conversation; the above applies and when our mutual friend leaves, there is an awkward silence and the other person walks off.
3. We both talk; they make me feel at ease and we become friends or closer. This has happened about three times since I stopped drinking.
Today my task was to meditate in the evening; to see tomorrow's problems and anticipate them and try to think up responses to them that will be the most holy.
As such I am writing down three aims for the party tomorrow:
1. That I will be as helpful as I can before the party starts: offering to help go shopping, cleaning and doing whatever else I can.
2. That I will try to talk to people before the drink flows and not to make a big deal that I'm removing myself when they do start drinking; I'll do so quickly and quietly.
3. That I will not moan about the noise level either outside or inside the house until midnight at the earliest, it is a party and people should enjoy it.
Tomorrow, I'll have to see how successful I was with these aims.
Lizzie x
P.S. I have repeated the verse for this week "Repent: for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand" thirty times so far today. I hope to continue to repeat this tomorrow.
Friday, 17 June 2011
Day 1 - Repent
Today my Daily Success e-mail told me to "Repent". This week I have to memorize the verse:
"Repent: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand". I'm repeating it ten times in the morning and ten times in the evening.
Finally today, I prayed for repentance from my sins which included today:
- Laziness
-Wastefulness
- Letting someone down.
I'm using these prayers to pray this week:
http://www.thirdmill.org/files/english/html/worship/pray.confess.html
God Bless,
Lizzie
"Repent: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand". I'm repeating it ten times in the morning and ten times in the evening.
Finally today, I prayed for repentance from my sins which included today:
- Laziness
-Wastefulness
- Letting someone down.
I'm using these prayers to pray this week:
http://www.thirdmill.org/files/english/html/worship/pray.confess.html
God Bless,
Lizzie
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